Monthly Archives: July 2012

reetas dining place

reetas is a restarant in a plac calld dallstone an it isn so gud so i was scard wen i went ther cos peeopl on twitster sed thins lik thers fellas ther with red truosers an cool beeards (i used to hav a beeard wich was reeal big but i don hav it anymor cos wen i used to do karaty fellas wud say “YUGNICH COOL GUY we cant nock yuo out cos yuor beeard is to big so we nevr hit yuo on the chin” an i lauged cos i knew it was actualy cos im reeal strong but i shavd it off anyway an now thers ALOT mor peeopl with sorer hands at karaty. suckrs). dallston i thik is full of weeird suckrs who hav silly tatoos lik ones that arnt tribal an thins so i don thik i wud go ther a lot but now thers gud placs lik restrants with nice food so ther will be mor cool peeopl lik food blog guys aruond.

i went to the restrant reetas wich is a plac wich i thik used to be a old skool classroom an now they use it for kids birtday parties an thins so they hav to put stiky tabl cloths on the tabls so tha wen the lil fellas hav 2 to much fanta an flyin sausers they can vomit lots an not worry so much lik wen i be sik in the showr or the dirty washin baskt (even tho my mum stil says “YUGNICH DID YUO MAKE A SICK IN THE WASHIN AGAIN YUO BLUDY DUMMY. NO SKYRIM FOR A WEEK!” but she doesn kno tha i got skyrim on my ps vita LOL!). they also got sum old skool chairs from wen it was 1 classroom an they arnt so comfy evn tho i cud prolly sit anywer an itd be ok. lik on a tree or a spiky rock or evn a angry hors.

i wen an sat down on one of them chairs but no1 cam an aks me wat i wanted an also i din kno wat i wantd cos the menu only had thins lik “COOL DUBSTep VJ PLAYIN ON 70th SEPTMBER” an i din unerstand. my frend lils ullen was ther with me so i waitd until she orderd sumin an then wen they bruoght it over i said “ILL HAV WAT SHES HAVIN!!” an evryon lauged cos it was lik the film “when harry did it with sally in a cafe”. then they bruoght me a cup of sum juic wich was reeal cold an was a bit lik a battry leeaked in i thik. i got a pancak with a fish bit in it wich was prety nic an it had sum lemonad on it but it fel evrywher an i also had a sanwich with a burgr in it (WTF LOLOL!!!) which was reeal gud cos it had sum chees spred in it an sum jam also in it an it was covred in lil blak crisps wich wer rooast beef flavur i thik.

then i was ful an the battry ice glug mad me feel lik sleepin so i had a lil nap an tehn i went hom. the fella in the bar din even ask if i was gona pay so i sed to sum fella who had on red truosrs an glases mad of a cooathanger that he can pay for me an i thik he was happy cos he new i was YUgnICH an he was prolly also a foodblog guy.

wen i got home i did sum trainin for the olmpics an it was gud.

i give reetas 93/94 (wow reeal gud!!)

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Places that i din get to gone to

thers always reeal gud places openin in London wich is gud, especially for bigtim food guys lik me an tha othr ones on the WEB cos we can look at all of em an say “GOSH WAT RESESHION? LOOK AT LL THES GUD FOOD PLACES!” an laug an then go to 1 of our fav pubs an talk abuot thins lik how to make a burgr reeal nice, or wat our bes type of chees is (not baby belL!, LOROLF!) an wher the bes plac to eeat in a ditch is. but i don always get 2 gone to eeat to them, speshially now tha ive been reeal busy at the pet shop cos peeopl need pets. but also sumtim peopl come in an say “are yuo yugnichgritkin?2” an i saw “wats yuor favurit movie with dolpf lungren?” an if they saw sumthin stupid lik “tha expendables 2” (wich isn even OUT yet but i seen it cos i got a frend at video box) then i tel themm to “bloody beeat it!” then i do sum press ups to show them i meean busines. the reeal answer is “all of em” or mayb rocky 4.

cos i don get to gone to all the restrants but peeopl stil wanna no abuot them i don sum pichsurs of the bigtim 1s that opened pretty rescently. this is them, they all look pretty gud.:

SKRIMPYS

this is a lil plac that sum fellas who had a petrol station opend cos they don hav much money cos evry1 sold ther cars an buoght cool thins lik scootrs an bikes like the bigtim london fella bovis jonson. tha angry food suckr doubl A Gill went to skrimpy cos they got nic drawins an thins on the walls an doubl A liks drawins even tho he cant pick up a pen an has to do al his drawin an his writin an thins thru a app an a blutooth hedseat i think. he kinda like tha plac but droppd his burgr which had a not very muscly crab in it (i think cos he not very gud at pickin thins up). so then he calld for his bes frend jezza clarksun from top gere to com get him in the JAG. then they drov aruond an found rats an old cars to laug at. they 2 big tim JOSHERS!!

 

TRAMPSHED

the trampshed is a plac tha the fella from the film UPs son MARK hicks startd in a ditch. at the restraunt they get a cow an a chiken to fight in the middl of the plac an then which evr one loses yuo get to eat it. but sumtimes the cow fella does a reeal good roundhous kik an the lil chix suckr gets blown to smithreens so yuo hav to eat the cow anyway. tha bigtim fud girl grase dunt wen ther but din reealy lik it cos i think she wantd to bring her own chiken calld NANDOZ to fight but she cudn so she said she wanted to eeat nandoz. they also got 1 bigtime art fellas stuff in ther. his nam is dringle hitch and i think he left his wallet ther. its reeal spechial.

 

MARYVANNER

this plac is a rushian plac in a lil rushan ladys house summwher. like most rushians she reealy liks dolph lungren cos hes 1 of the best rushians to ever be in gud movies and thins, so she put los of his picturs on evry wall. so it suonds reeal gud. yuo can eeat thins lik bred rolls an old fish here an also drink thins lik a vodka an redbull. or a V K orang. i don kno if they got vimto but if they lik thins lik dolph lungrenn they prolly got sum vimto. my bes frend J. Rainer wen ther an he liked it but he ate alllllllllllLLLL the food so he lay down an fell asleeeep. if yuo go ther now yuo hav to be reeal quieet cos them fellas don wan to wake him up cos he gonna get reeal mad an say “IM A BIG TIM FOOD GUY! DON WAK ME YUO SILLY FELLA!” an then ask for a bit of cake an he wil be okay.

 

one day i wanna go to them placs but i prolly won for a lil whil. so insted i giv them all 0/0 for bein existin and good. nise 1 fellas.

 

Y

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godrun ramsnee on the jail

yestrday on the telly ther was the bigtim food fella godrun ramsnee on the telly. normlly i don reeally wach him on t v thoug becaus he likes to done things lik oder sum1s fud (even thuog it suonds silly an it prolly gunna be horribl cos its summin lik a steeak mad of apples with a 100% chees on it) an then he eeats it an spits it out an says “MY GRAN CAN COOK BETTR THAN THA YUO SILLY FELLA AN SHE DEEAD AN ALSO A HORSE MADE OF PIG BITS IN A BIN!!””” an then he says to the persun who cookd it that they shud die in a fire an shuld nevr cook ever agiain. but then he throws away all ther food in there fridge and say “why don yuo cook things that i mak yuo dummy?!?!” so then he maks things lik a crab filld with spageti an sum toast an then paints ther restrant a nic color lik ninja blue an lots of peeopl come to eeeat ther cos they want to say thins like “the spagetti was gud an fresh an lik my mothers” on T v.

his new show was diffrnt tho cos this time he went into a jail wher ther are los of no gud nansys from brixton (my frend tol me that its lik hacknee cos all them bad fellas live ther. but i think he wron cos only fellas in cool thins like dungarees an berets live in hacknee). then he took the jail fellas to the kitshen an tol them he gunna make them learn how to cook thins lik bred an cupcaks an sausag rolls an thins then they all lauged an so did us fellas who wer watshin cos godrun look like sum1 drew his face on a bit of papr an then crumbled in his pockt an then playd 40 hours of freerunin an then took out tha picshur an uncrumpld it.

them fellas mad summ nice cakes but godrun stil had to shuot at them cos they wernt gud to him an he is a bigtim food guy an he is also “THE ONLY FELLA WHO GUNNA HELP THESE POOR SUCKRS” who done thins like take chocolats when they not allowd an not puttin enuog money on ther oystr cards. he also had to shuot at tha boss of the jail cos they took 1 guy away from tha kitshen even tho godrun mad gud frends with him becaus they both had the same pogs an both lovd the movie CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE with DMX. that sily jail boss didn realis that godrun was “THA LAST CHANCE THES HORRIBL UGLY WEEAK GUYS” hav to do good thins lik mak bred rocks.

then they took the caks they made an went to anuthr bad londun place calld clapham. it was gud to done it in clapham cos they fuond a old brokn shop (prolly sum of the suckrs in the jail brok it) an put the bred in desks an thins. it also gud becos if they dun it stil in brixton sum fellas prolly wudv stoln the cakes an thins an then no1 wud even get any money. not even godrun an he needs sum money cos i think he gav too much of it taxi drivrs an dancers an thins. los of peeopl cam into get the gud cakes even tho they wer mad by no gud nansys. godrun askd them if the peeopl minded that they were mad by fellas in the jail but they sed no even tho evrything bad suckrs make tasts lik a mix of dirt an bin juic an old milk.

sum of the jail fellas family cam in but they stil had to buy cakes an thins even thog godrun said nic things like “YUO LOOK LIK YUO DADS UNCLE COUZIN” or “WOW GOOD HAIR WAT IS IT MADE OF?” then he went back to tha jail an tol the fellas that they made sum money an that ther familys came in an stuff an that peeopl ate the bred even tho it prolly tasted lik dirt an bins an milks stuff. evry1 was reeeeeeeeeal happy. except the jail fellas cos i don think they reeeally cared. cos they in jail an stuff.

wen the show finishd i ate a bit of porridg with sum jam an then watchd all of CSI on blu ray. i din unnerstand it.

 

i give godrun ramsnee on the jail -100/3 becus i rele din like it cos godrun is lik a puddl of sick in a dead rats mouth. yuck.