Monthly Archives: December 2012

timmers hayward intervew

bigtim food guy timmers is a writr on food an he also works at a greggs makin the chees an pizza sanwiches. it is becos of his greggs job tha he got famuos an now he is on tha radio an on the internet an on twitster. sumtims we lik to jus call eeach othr up an reead out lines of poetry an stuff. this is a poem i wrot abuot slugs:
slugs are weeak. why do they exist?
they always get smushed when i keep them in my fist
i wud eeat them if they tasted nice
but they dont so ill jus eeat ice (an mayb a nice chip pizza or sumthin)
tiimmers also own a magazin abuot eeatin rocks an stuff or sumthin lik that i don reeal kno. he always say “pleeas yugnich write an draw all of my magazin” but i say no cos i busy with my own stuf an also i thik he only wans me to do it so tha i buy a copy an my mum buys a copy an my frens cuosins buy a copy.
i emaild him an done a intervew wit him cos he is quite good at stuf an knows alot abuot food an stuff an heres wat i said an then wat he said in respons to wat i said. easy:
Yuggers: Wat is yuor favurit fizzy glug?
Timmers: Mainly beer. Sometimes cider with tequila in it. But not often
How many lil timmers do yuo hav?
Wich 1 is your favurit?

Is the bes thing about chidren tha yuo can tak them into places lik BK an KFC an say “oh gosh i hat this place but the kids wanna come here so ill just order 12 family buckets an 3 apple tangos”?

Pretty much. The rest of parenthood is overrated
Wich restrant in London do yuo thik jasun stathum wud lik the most?

I think Jasun would like The Rainforest Cafe
Because of the animatronic parrot
If yuo were goin to aks him to go to it with yuo how wud yuo do it?
I would poke him on Facebook or maybe Grindr and tell him I knew where there was an animatronic parrot
Wat is his email addres?
Jasun is too hard to read emails. His Mum reads them to him. Reach her at
If yuo cud go anywhere to eat in the world wud yuo still go to eeat in a pizza hut buffet mor than anywhere else?
I’m pretty sure I would. Foreign food is usually pants
Is microwaving a steeak stil the best way to cook it?

Yes. Put it in a waterbath at 56.5c for up to an hour, sling it in a Josper at 350c to build up a good char, then mic it at 800W for 1 min 30
Tea? Coffee? Wich 1 wud make yuo sick up first if yuo had to drink hundreds of cups of it?
Tea. Particularly with milk that’s been in the fridge till it turns into yoghourt
How many eggs do yuo thik yuo cud eeat in 1 brekfast?

40 because I’m harder than Steve McQueen
Who do yuo thik wud win in a fight between yuo an j. Rainer?
Me. Jay is mostly made of hair while I am mostly made of mussles
Do yuo sumtimes wish tha yuo had his hair?

It would make my head bigger but then my hats wouldn’t fit
Wat does marina olaflin look lik?

Marina O Loughlin is a 6’2″ Congolese ex-model. She wears a jewelled eyepatch and an artificial leg made entirely out of titanium, both the result of a hang-gliding accident. She is also my sister.
Wat are your favurit pizza toppings apart from mash potato?

Nandos – obviously
What is this kid eeatin?
Scotch egg milkshake
Who is your favurit person in the whole world?

Jasun Stathum

Do yuo stil skype regularly with the fabulus baker brothers?

Whenever they are in England. These days, though, they are mainly in Hollywood and I’m in bed when they’re awake

Wich is yuor favurit one?

The one with the teeth
Is rollerblading the new pogz?

I swapped my pogs for Hexbugs
What wud yuo make if yuo only had these ingredients:
(ice cream. Any flavuor)

Horse icecream with a seaweed foam, a smear of turnip jus and a Wagun Wheel

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2013 food trens

it neearly the end of the yeear an so it tim for all the fellas to say thins like “this is the yeear wen drinkin in placs lik behind homebase with roy an yahoney reealy became big” an “2012 was the yeear tha the chef expendabls was inventd an jims fishwood was sad but then othr peeopl wer hapy he was sad an wish he was sad mor an it was also the yeear tha dabooz did wel but also now it not so gud cos peeopl ar bored an if yuo lik it now yuo arnt a reeal foody but street food is stil good an stuff” an stuff. it also the time wen clevr peeopl try decid wat is gonna be gud for next year. nex year i prolly gonn buy a new lether bandana cos my old 1 got coverd in blood an sick an bred an stuf from wen i tried to mak a spageti for my dins. my mum wasn very happy but she din mind too much cos i hid most of the mess i made under the bed an it only smel a lil bit so it not so bad.

this is wat prolly gonna be big in 2013. don forget it fellas!:

orderin food thru blutooth


Grodrun ramsney

yuo gotta give it to him. yuo jus GOTAA!


sheep buckts

laptop sanwich

sanwichs in the shap of laptops. the bes 1 will be calld the “macbookpro” an it wil be 45 slices of breosh bred 13 bits of mayo a whol heeap of mash sum spinash mayb sum ham. i don reealy kno. i don kno if it been inventd yet but it suonds lik it a good idea. prolly be bigtim.


surpris restrants in bathrooms

so wen fellas go to mak toilet they walk in ssay “oh look thers tha fella tum carridge makin noodl omlets in the corner ther. thas gud i wil hav pleeas tum!” excep mayb not tum cos he mite not fit an stuf. may tho if it a big lil bathroom.


new zeeland food

i don no wher new zeeland is. mayb it in africa or america or sumthin. but fellas only lik food from placs they nevr heard abuot or food tha they eeat a lot anyway but not in nice restrants so they can say “did yuo hav the egg sanwich from Norma?!?! it lik a egg sanwich but it was bludy good an tha lil fella Reny made an it tasted soooooo gud lik a egg in sum bred! wow!” in new zeeland they prolly eat thins lik egg sanwichs or sandpits or sumthin but fellas will be happy cos they can say to ther frends “wow did yuo eat the egg sandpit at newzeelandfoodplac! it was so difrent it was amazin!” an then they go sumwher an be sick an eat 40 mcdronlands burgrs on the bus to ther huose.



no thas jus a josh. no1 reealy liks fruit. LOLMA!!


wresling restrants

peeopl love placs lik the Raininfort Cafe an the plac wher yuo can play ping tennis an eeat pizza (im the bes at ping tennis. obvuisly) so i thik restrants tha hav wresling on 24 7 wud be reeal popular cos fellas cud go ther, mayb eeat a cuople of chix bits, tak his shirt off an do a cuopl tombstonin moves. then mayb chill out with a nic glass of egg an do it all again. wat fella wudn wanna do go to tha restrant?!?



wrapd up an then put into a blendr an then fried for 40 mins an then put into a burgr. i thik the meeat fellas ar gonna done it.

the internet

ET computer kid happy surprised2




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marina olaflin intervew

i been doin a blog for a lil time now an i thik i gettin prety gud (obvs). but ther othr fellas who are stil bettr an so i wantd to speeak to them so i cud try an steeal al ther gud ideeas an stuf. this a intwrview i did wit marina olaflin.
mazz-dog is 1 of my bes frends an also a gud bigtim food writr an she writs for places lik ‘the gardnian’ an ‘rovil’ an ‘twitster’. she prolly 1 of the best food peeopl out ther. heres tha intervew.
Yuggers: Is a anchovy sumthin tha food peeopl use to see if othr people are foody to cos its achsually disgusting an tastes lik a sharks armpit?
Mazzers: Anchovy is what gets you membership of ARF (Association of Real Foodists). To get into the secret upper echelons, you need to eat anchovies over andouillettes.
Wat do yuo look lik?
I am constantly mistaken for Nancy del’Olio.
Do yuo lik to wear: a)shorts b)cloaks c)crocs d)ripped jeans
I love all of those things, worn together if I can. When I don’t look like Nancy, I look like Mario Batali.
If yuo cud take zooby duchtannel to any restrant in London wich one wud it be?
Because I like it about as much as I like her.
Wat is yuor chidrens favurit food?
Son: sushi. Daughter: meat and sugar.
Wat is yuor husband/boyfs favurit food?
Currently, a suitcase full of Lyon sausages.
Wat are ther actshual favurit food (not tha one that they tell yuo they lik. The one they actshually lik to eeat all the tim wen yuo are in Italy or Croydon or sumthjin)?
This is the whole truth, Yugnich. Mine is hot buttered potato scones with smoked Maldon salt, even though you didn’t ask me.  Or toasted sourdough with loads of butter and white Istrian truffles.
How often do yuo eeat at jamies Italian?
Is ther anything better than eeatin microwaving sum ham, putting on new girl an puttin the heeatin up to 40?
You can microwave ham until you’re purple in the face, but do not subject me to bloody New Girl. Sheesh.
Bloody cutesy girlie I’m-so-ditsy Zooey.
Do yuo sumtims want to writ for the daley mail?
I did once. They edited my piece to end with the words ‘pass the sickbag’. I have never done it again.
Is it okay if i tell peeopl that i am yuor 3rd cousin?
I thought you were?
Is marina olaflin yuor reeal nam or is it reealy
My real name is Marina Patricia Genevieve Pia O’Loughlin. Irish pa, Italian ma, innit.
What is the best thin tha yuo can cook tha isn’t cereal?
I am really brilliant at toast and Marmite.  Or my mother’s ragu which takes nearly a day to cook.
Are yuo sumtimes sad that yuo cant go on masterchef?
It is a constant, overwhelming source of sadness to me.
Is bein sik in a bin the opposite of bein hungry?
Don’t tell me you’re a bulimic, Yugnich! It rots your teeth.
Wat crisp flavur do yuo wish sum1 wud mak into a soft drink?
Smoky bacon, obviously.
Wat is yuor favurit type of wisk?
Nigella’s tiny ladylike whisks.
Wat is a blog?
It is something that terrifies a lot of old fuddy-duddy journalists and excites a lot of pr people. Yours is my favourite EVER
If yuo were not a big tim food lady wud yuo be a)reealy good at fire poi b)a taxi driver c)lego d)sumthin else?
I am really good at watching five episodes of Breaking Bad one after the other and then feeling slightly sick. So maybe I could be a big time film critic.
How do yuo kno if yuo ar in love?
You can’t eat.
Do yuo kno Rachel coo?
No. Sorry Yugnich. I am slightly sensing you have a bit of a ‘type’, am I right?  I could introduce you to my pal Dolores – Dolly – if you like. Lots of lovely dark brown hair…
Nancy dell'olio seen leaving her london home and heading to a studio in south london England
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