bigtim food guy timmers is a writr on food an he also works at a greggs makin the chees an pizza sanwiches. it is becos of his greggs job tha he got famuos an now he is on tha radio an on the internet an on twitster. sumtims we lik to jus call eeach othr up an reead out lines of poetry an stuff. this is a poem i wrot abuot slugs:
slugs are weeak. why do they exist?
they always get smushed when i keep them in my fist
i wud eeat them if they tasted nice
but they dont so ill jus eeat ice (an mayb a nice chip pizza or sumthin)
tiimmers also own a magazin abuot eeatin rocks an stuff or sumthin lik that i don reeal kno. he always say “pleeas yugnich write an draw all of my magazin” but i say no cos i busy with my own stuf an also i thik he only wans me to do it so tha i buy a copy an my mum buys a copy an my frens cuosins buy a copy.
i emaild him an done a intervew wit him cos he is quite good at stuf an knows alot abuot food an stuff an heres wat i said an then wat he said in respons to wat i said. easy:
Yuggers: Wat is yuor favurit fizzy glug?
Timmers: Mainly beer. Sometimes cider with tequila in it. But not often
How many lil timmers do yuo hav?
Wich 1 is your favurit?
Is the bes thing about chidren tha yuo can tak them into places lik BK an KFC an say “oh gosh i hat this place but the kids wanna come here so ill just order 12 family buckets an 3 apple tangos”?
Pretty much. The rest of parenthood is overrated
Wich restrant in London do yuo thik jasun stathum wud lik the most?
I think Jasun would like The Rainforest Cafe
Because of the animatronic parrot
If yuo were goin to aks him to go to it with yuo how wud yuo do it?
I would poke him on Facebook or maybe Grindr and tell him I knew where there was an animatronic parrot
Wat is his email addres?
Jasun is too hard to read emails. His Mum reads them to him. Reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org
If yuo cud go anywhere to eat in the world wud yuo still go to eeat in a pizza hut buffet mor than anywhere else?
I’m pretty sure I would. Foreign food is usually pants
Is microwaving a steeak stil the best way to cook it?
Yes. Put it in a waterbath at 56.5c for up to an hour, sling it in a Josper at 350c to build up a good char, then mic it at 800W for 1 min 30
Tea? Coffee? Wich 1 wud make yuo sick up first if yuo had to drink hundreds of cups of it?
Tea. Particularly with milk that’s been in the fridge till it turns into yoghourt
How many eggs do yuo thik yuo cud eeat in 1 brekfast?
40 because I’m harder than Steve McQueen
Who do yuo thik wud win in a fight between yuo an j. Rainer?
Me. Jay is mostly made of hair while I am mostly made of mussles
Do yuo sumtimes wish tha yuo had his hair?
It would make my head bigger but then my hats wouldn’t fit
Wat does marina olaflin look lik?
Marina O Loughlin is a 6’2″ Congolese ex-model. She wears a jewelled eyepatch and an artificial leg made entirely out of titanium, both the result of a hang-gliding accident. She is also my sister.
Wat are your favurit pizza toppings apart from mash potato?
Nandos – obviously
What is this kid eeatin?
Scotch egg milkshake
Who is your favurit person in the whole world?
Do yuo stil skype regularly with the fabulus baker brothers?
Whenever they are in England. These days, though, they are mainly in Hollywood and I’m in bed when they’re awake
Is rollerblading the new pogz?
I swapped my pogs for Hexbugs
What wud yuo make if yuo only had these ingredients:
(ice cream. Any flavuor)
Horse icecream with a seaweed foam, a smear of turnip jus and a Wagun Wheel