Monthly Archives: February 2014

how to hav 1 gud restrant


las nite ther was a gud show on TV called the restrant guy. it abuot sum fella who owns loads of greggz and pizza huts who goes aruond to other fellas in the country who want to open restrants but they dont reealy have gud ideas abuot anything and the restrant guy has to say thins like “do you want me to wash your dishes?” it quite good but he always jus wanderin around saying thins like “wen i opened my 3rd greggs i had to eeat all the sausag rolls for at leeast until ther was none left. but these fellas havent even eeaten 1 sausag roll?!?!” an then they go to visit one of his frends an in the end its all ok but i wasnt reealy sure howcome the silly fellas make it okay an neither is restrant guy but then he turns to the camera and takes his shirt off and says “gud thing they listened to me” an then he heeadbutts a tree or sumthin.

but openin a gud restrant is EEEASY. jus aks GregG Wrallance from misterchef. if u didnt kno before, here a few othr tips:

1. dont do menus

no menus

every1 knos that menus are lame an uncool, like babysitting your littl brother an going to the cinema cos they always say thins like “sir this film is a 18” an i say “obvs i kno tha” (cos i ONLY go see 18s like Cradle 2 the Grave), an then they say “tha meeans yuo cant take in tha baby” an then i have to say to them “what baby?!” an then they say “that baby tha is shoved into your string vest” and then i say “thats not a baby thas a big rat tha hasnt got any hair.” an then they say “sir im not stupid” an then i say “you are!!” an then i take off my string vest to show them my muscles an they say “oh, it reealy is a giant rat with no hair” but then i normaly just go home cos im bored.

2. always hav a buffet option

yay buffets

tha another reeason why u shoouldnt have menus. cos buffets are a LOTS beetter.

some good buffets u cud have are:

  • egg (obvs)
  • rice (u can charg it by the handful)
  • mince (same as above)
  • ham
  • goose

3. make sur tha all of ur chairs hav AT LEEAST one broken leg


tha way peeopl always fallin over so they have to eeat quickly an leeave an thas good so that they don care abuot wat they eeating an also that you have space for every1.

4. location is important


good places:

  • near/in skate parks
  • westfields
  • close to a nice lookin ditsch
  • laserquests/paintaball areans/parjkur (anywhere near extrem sports)

bad places:

  • neear expensiv shops
  • next to a nandos (no one gonna come to ur lame guff place if ther a nandos neearby)
  • luton
  • opposit of a landfil
  • insid of a landfil
  • on a old street with coble stones (no one gonna blade ther, are they?!?!)

5. music / design

art and style

this a obvius one dummy.  u want peeople to come into ur restrant eeaat a REEALY big buffet meeal of eggs an minc and milk and then leeave VERY QUICKLY. but u gotta get them in the door first. that why u need sick music pumpin out. try hav these playin (not all at the sam time tho dummy LOL! but reeeallllyyyy loud!):

  • skirllex
  • david greuta
  • limp bizkit
  • ICP

for desing a few things that peeopl alwasy love are:

  • VERY BRITE COLORS (u want fellas to be happy don u?)
  • very brite lights (u want fellas to see wat they eeatin don u?)
  • lava lamps
  • fake grass (or reeal grass)
  • pics of famus peeople (im thinkin macualy calkun. ed sheeran. the big bang theeory cast. gerrarld butler – anyone who gonna mak peeopl think “hey if macualy calkun can come to a goose bufet then maybe i shud as well.)
  • broken ligths bulbs insetead of normal ones.
  • all of ur waitress and waitresers shud also weear camo all the time. they shud also be muscly

that eveything for now. but i will prolly have another thik an put up another one so that u can open a good restrant that doesn suck. mmaybe me an restrant guy can go have a coffey an a sausag roll at one of his greggz an discuss sum iddeas an then we can put up anothr post wen we are best frends.

if u need help wit ur restrant u can email me: an i can give u sume speshial tips tha i didn put up heere already.

i give this post 90000000/98762


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