Monthly Archives: July 2014

Brun Daddy

brun daddy

after i wen thru the secret door in the back of the fridge in lilos me an my new friend Drickens wernt even cold at all. i wasnt tha surprised that i wasnt because i dont really feel the weather tha much becaus of my muscles an my collection of beanees, string vests, gilets, doorags, small shorts and fur coats but i was mor surprised tha the small muscly hair fella Drickens (who was my new best frend) wasnt shivering or trying to soil himself to make him warm like my mums dog knuckles.

Drickens – who wasnt in the pocket of my dungarees anymor – look pretty happy so i said “why arent we cold if we just in a fridge?” an he said “because we not in a fridge anymore” and i said “where are we then?” and he laughed an pointed at something just behind my head. i turned around an saw a normal borin old tree tha i couldve easily climb if i wanted to but i jus didnt want to. “thas a boring tree an i could easily climb it Drickens” i said to Drickens an then he said “maybe you should have a closer look Yuggers. Also what is that in your pocket? is that hummus?” an i laughed cos i remember tha back when i was in lilos i got a handful just in case for the bus home.

then i looked closer at the tree an realised tha insteead of pineapples an butternuts an crips it was growin ostrich eggs the size of a mirror balls an i instantl jumped up, done a 180 an then went to get as many eggs as i cud get into my hands. i was so excited that i started rapping the lyrics to “Gravel Hut” wich is a song by my new favourit rapper GrugMubbelz####^^#

i picked up a whol 40 of the eggs an was just abuot to kick a few into the sun jus for fun when Drickens ran over an was crying like a lil baby or something an sayin “Yuggers no you shouldn do tha!” an i said “why not you dweeb?” an he said “jus cos tha tree got so many ostrich eggs it don mean tha you should take them. do you even want to eat tha many ostrich eggs?” an i said “trash my frash, Ash” wich is a line from Gravel Hut.

Then Drickens got scared an said we should go cos of tha eggs tha i took an he started running towards a well tha was as wide as a bus an he jumped in an he said follow me quickly! an i said “okay you dweeb and why don you tell me wher we are anyway?” an he said “WERE IN THE DEEP WEB YUGNIChH! THE DEEP WEB!!”

an i said ive been to the deep web before (cos ive been ONLINE) an then we fell for 40 minuts until it was so dark tha i couldnt see anythin apart from my glow in the dark tattoos.

then we cam to the end of the well an then Drickens said “through here” an we went through a small door an we came out into a toilet in a small basement an i said “wher are we now?” an he said we at the restrant Brun Daddy wich is a noodle place. an i said ok an then we went upstairs wher ther was lots of loud music an lots of people running around for no reason an everyone pretendin to be happy but also angry an some fella came to me an said do you want to eat somethin an i said “no thaks i stil got sum hummus” an then Drickens looked scared an i said “why you scared you small hairy doofus” an he stopped shakin for just a second and looked at me with his scared lame eyes.

then he said “somethin else came through the door from the deep web Yugnich. something dangerous.”

I wasnt scared at all but Drickens didnt look like he had seen the Undertaker on a bad day.

i give Brun Daddy 18/40

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lilos

lilos

in london every1 always says ” we so spoiled for good thins to do” and everyone always so happy about the different scoff holes and bars an thins. but fellas dont often stop to think and say “hey actualy. where is the nearest paintball arean? what do i do if i wan to climb a tree as big as a buildin? if ther so many dojos then how come mos people arent even close to the level of karaty as me?” but it not such a bad place reealy.

i decided i should go to the new scran place from the chef frend of itsac and the clives from the clives club who is called Jonty Loowey an he used hav the world record for the most earings in 1 ear (6). he used to do cookin with his frends itsac and clives but then he decided to take sum time off so tha he could build the biggest beanbag in london. after a yeear he remembred he was allergic to beans an also bags so then he decided he prolly rather do a restrant instead so he opened a place called lilos which is named after a lilo cos of it is in a old changing room for a swimmin pool.

i went in an they said “hi do you have a reservation” an i said “my name is Neddins” which is a joke cos my name isnt Neddins its yugnich an then the lady behind the restrant desk said “i bet tha your joshin me. are you yugnich?” an i said “yes good one how did you know?” an she said somethin about my muscles, about my cool clogs and also something about that i had to put a shirt on an also i should stop screamin my own name. obvs i wasnt listening tho cos i was already smelling all of the things tha Jonty was cooking which i think was meat cereal.

i sat down on a lil chair an ordered a full plate of milk an a full bag of corn an then scratched my name an also a pictur of a horse into the table. then jonty came over an gave me a dish of food which was a old fish wich didnt even pong tha much at all. i took a bite an it was quite nice an a bit like eeating a chicken dipper if it was actually a fish.

then when i finished the fish i look down an seen that there actually a lil person who was one half as muscly as the rock an also one half as hairy as a badger and he looked up at me an say “hi yugnich” an his voice was as like the noise of a washing machine. an i say “hi lil hairy muscly guy” an then we shook hands an we exchanged email addresses an twitter names. then he got off my plate an pulled out a small pair of googl glasses an put them on an say “now tha you finished your ole fish why don we go for an adventur” so i put him in the top pocket of my dungarees an we got up an i started doin teh moonwalk to the door.

but then the lil guy said “no not thaat way yuggers” an he pointed towards a different way an i said “okay why not”. an then he pointed me to the kitchen where i walked in an told jonty not to worry (but he didn mind cos he was secretly eeating a family bag of nik naks an was blind from orange) an then me and the lil fella went to the fridge an i walked in an then the little fella got out of my pocket an jumped down to the corner of the fridge an knocked 4 times on the wall an all of a sudden a secret door opened an wat was behind it was the most SIIICK thing i ever seen in my life an i nearly was sick all down myself for a hour or two.

then the lil muscly guy said “cool huh?” an i nodded an i said “wat is your name lil fella” and he said “my name is richard dawkins. but you can call me Drickens.”

an then we went in the secret door in the back of the fridge in lilos

i give lilos 38/49

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