Tag Archives: crocs

The Clives Club


it was jus eeaster time which is good cos it my favurit holiday (obvs!?) obvs it my fav cos it all abuot eggs an i reeally love eggs. but also i don reealy lik it cos it mostly choc eggs an not reeal eggs an tha a bit like a notgood joke like wen i tol my fren Royne tha i had all his dogs an cats an hamsters an thins (an he got ALOT of them cos he sum big nerd an stuff) an i lockd them in a car an drove them into the sun an he was all scard cos he say “YUGNICH YUO NOT ALUOD TO TAKE ANY ANIMALS OUT OUT OF THE PETSHOP ANYTIME EVER!!” an i lauged cos i said i just joshin they not reealy in my car i don even hav a car an yuo cant even drive a car into the sun cos it cant fly an no1 knos wher the sun actualy is anyway. an then we both lauged alot except he didn cos he was still shuotin thins like “I know yuo don have a car but wher are all the animals” and “did yuo open all the cages” an wat did i tell yuo abuot playin wrestlin with the hamsters yugnich!” but i didnt reealy care cos i knew he was jus angry cos i got ole Royne with a good josh. if yuo reeading this then LOL ROYNE! but he got me back to cos whenevr i go to work he always say to me yuo not aluod comin here anymor. josher.

so cos i din hav to gone to work cos of Royne;s joshing i thuoght i wud go get sum nic food in london at my frens Itsacs place in shohdatch an it calld clive’s club. ther 2 fellas ther who done all the waiterin an goofin with customers an stuff an they ar both called Clive an wen they wer yuonger they used to go to the same google maps fan group an then they started doin ther own google maps fan club in ther house an they called it The Clives Club an Itsac used to come aruond an he started brining snacks aruond for evryones like boiled eggs an grabags an stuff an they said “shud we start a cool restrant in a old museum or sumthin” an they said yes an then they chest pumped an then it was open.

I wen ther an then got a nice lil table in one of the old museum rooms an then i said “bring me sum burgers or sumin Clive” an they said okay an went off an got me sum food but it wasn burgers but it was stil quite good but i little mad at itsac cos he obvs stolen all my ideas for good foodstuffs. first he bruoght me sum lil chicken nuggs (yuo gotta give it to chicken nuggs. yuo just GOTTA!) an then sum lil red carrots wit sum spicy burger sauce an sum gravel which was quite good but not as good as the chick nugz. then they put sum ham in the microwave for me wich was nic an sweeaty wich i scoffed reeal quick an then i munched sum lil fish pile an then sum othr muscly fish with sum green stuff an green crips. then i did a lil bit of pressups an then they brung me a nice kebab wich they put on a plate an made it all fancy wich was quit good an then the last thin was a plat of sum hummus an sum gravel an sum cereeal wich was reeal good an i scoffed it all reeal quick.

then it was all good an fnished an i thuoght that quit nice 2 clives an itsac but now i gotta go home cos i jus rememered tha i had almost all the animals from the petshop in my bath an Royne is prolly made an also my mum wud prolly not be happy abuot me cloggin up the bath again. oh oh.

i give Clives Club 54/60 cos it was all my fav foods like gravel an chick nuggs an ham an stuff.


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marina olaflin intervew

i been doin a blog for a lil time now an i thik i gettin prety gud (obvs). but ther othr fellas who are stil bettr an so i wantd to speeak to them so i cud try an steeal al ther gud ideeas an stuf. this a intwrview i did wit marina olaflin.
mazz-dog is 1 of my bes frends an also a gud bigtim food writr an she writs for places lik ‘the gardnian’ an ‘rovil’ an ‘twitster’. she prolly 1 of the best food peeopl out ther. heres tha intervew.
Yuggers: Is a anchovy sumthin tha food peeopl use to see if othr people are foody to cos its achsually disgusting an tastes lik a sharks armpit?
Mazzers: Anchovy is what gets you membership of ARF (Association of Real Foodists). To get into the secret upper echelons, you need to eat anchovies over andouillettes.
Wat do yuo look lik?
I am constantly mistaken for Nancy del’Olio.
Do yuo lik to wear: a)shorts b)cloaks c)crocs d)ripped jeans
I love all of those things, worn together if I can. When I don’t look like Nancy, I look like Mario Batali.
If yuo cud take zooby duchtannel to any restrant in London wich one wud it be?
Because I like it about as much as I like her.
Wat is yuor chidrens favurit food?
Son: sushi. Daughter: meat and sugar.
Wat is yuor husband/boyfs favurit food?
Currently, a suitcase full of Lyon sausages.
Wat are ther actshual favurit food (not tha one that they tell yuo they lik. The one they actshually lik to eeat all the tim wen yuo are in Italy or Croydon or sumthjin)?
This is the whole truth, Yugnich. Mine is hot buttered potato scones with smoked Maldon salt, even though you didn’t ask me.  Or toasted sourdough with loads of butter and white Istrian truffles.
How often do yuo eeat at jamies Italian?
Is ther anything better than eeatin microwaving sum ham, putting on new girl an puttin the heeatin up to 40?
You can microwave ham until you’re purple in the face, but do not subject me to bloody New Girl. Sheesh.
Bloody cutesy girlie I’m-so-ditsy Zooey.
Do yuo sumtims want to writ for the daley mail?
I did once. They edited my piece to end with the words ‘pass the sickbag’. I have never done it again.
Is it okay if i tell peeopl that i am yuor 3rd cousin?
I thought you were?
Is marina olaflin yuor reeal nam or is it reealy
My real name is Marina Patricia Genevieve Pia O’Loughlin. Irish pa, Italian ma, innit.
What is the best thin tha yuo can cook tha isn’t cereal?
I am really brilliant at toast and Marmite.  Or my mother’s ragu which takes nearly a day to cook.
Are yuo sumtimes sad that yuo cant go on masterchef?
It is a constant, overwhelming source of sadness to me.
Is bein sik in a bin the opposite of bein hungry?
Don’t tell me you’re a bulimic, Yugnich! It rots your teeth.
Wat crisp flavur do yuo wish sum1 wud mak into a soft drink?
Smoky bacon, obviously.
Wat is yuor favurit type of wisk?
Nigella’s tiny ladylike whisks.
Wat is a blog?
It is something that terrifies a lot of old fuddy-duddy journalists and excites a lot of pr people. Yours is my favourite EVER
If yuo were not a big tim food lady wud yuo be a)reealy good at fire poi b)a taxi driver c)lego d)sumthin else?
I am really good at watching five episodes of Breaking Bad one after the other and then feeling slightly sick. So maybe I could be a big time film critic.
How do yuo kno if yuo ar in love?
You can’t eat.
Do yuo kno Rachel coo?
No. Sorry Yugnich. I am slightly sensing you have a bit of a ‘type’, am I right?  I could introduce you to my pal Dolores – Dolly – if you like. Lots of lovely dark brown hair…
Nancy dell'olio seen leaving her london home and heading to a studio in south london England
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