i been a bit sad for a whil cos the last thin i wrote on here was my lettr to the france cook TV lady rachel coo an I aksed her to write to me or somthin but she never did :(. wich is not good cos like my mum says, even if you don reeally like a fella you still have to be nice to them an invite them to play in yuor room becos it not everyday tha a fella comes round an brings yuo flowers or takes yuo to wokmania chines buffet or brings yuo a pineappl pizza or fixes yuor washin machine or leeaves his car somewher so tha you can crash into it.
so it made me sad for a lil whil an only listened to slow hoobastank songs an did a lot of dark art drawins wich were mostly inspird by banksy an they reeally good but i had to throw them away cos my mum says tha all the spraypaint scrud made our food go rancid an tha if i want to graf i shuold go do it on a wall somehwer an not inside of a fridge but i was only half listenin cos i was scoffin this old chees an onion pasty i found. aftr tha i was sick for lots of time but i thik i ok now. i just cant eeat tha many eggs anymor or look at ham or stand up so good.
wen i strated to feel bettr i thuoght i kno wat wud make me bettr it would be to go to the big smoke an scoff sum grub. i went to a place called jons salt wich is a place in sum boring scrud place tha looks lik a outdoor version of Stratford Westfield an is a restrant started by a fella called jon who used to just serve salt crips an othr scrud but then sum chef came alon and said “IM GONNA COOK HERE AN IM GONNA MAKE FELLAS EEAT BRICKS.” an then lots of fellas did go ther an fellas did eeat bricks but then he got bord an ran out of good bricks to find and got reeeeeealy into world of warcraft an said “I DON WAN TO COOK ANYMORE. NOW I AM A FULLTIME ORC!” an then he left so then sum othr chef fella from the pits cube truck came an said “ill cook here as long as i can start fires wherever i want an i get a lifetim supply of cool hats.” an jon said ok.
wen i got ther sum fella sat me on a lil bench with some othr fellas who obvs wanted to be my frend but i didnt talk to them much cos i was watchin youtube vids on my smartphone (obvs). the fellas were also a bit lame an was talkin lots abuot othr places they went to eeat an all fancy thins they done an fellas they knew so i looked at them an said “HEY LOOK THERS GODRUN RAMSNEY” an they got all excitd an 1 of them smashed his heead into the wall cos he was so excited an then i said “hes not reeally ther yuo doofuses.” an becos they wer so excited it was obvius they wernt propr foodies like me. so they cried an left.
then i ordered sum food wich was a big meeat crisp with sum coleslaw on it wich was ok an i scoffed it but most of my teeth broke on it i thik an then also a egg wich had sum crisps on it an it was with a lil pile of meeal scruds wich was quit nic an then i had a steeak meeat (or mayb it was horse! why the long neigh beef?!?!?!?!LOL) wich had a sause on it wich was a whol garlic breead scrunched into a lil sause an then sum chippy things wich was ok.
after i scoffed it all i said to the fellas good job. an then let the fellas next to me (still crying lika baby) pay for watevr i ate cos i din reealy want to an also i didn have any money anyway an then went home an felt better abuot rachel coo. becos now that i don care abuot her anymore i can focus on other chicks. so look out “the world”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i give jons salt 78/94