Tag Archives: eating



I used to hav a frend called “the walrus” who was famus in the streets between the A3 an the mud tunnel next to ASDA beacus he was always very very dizzy, an also because he had more plastic bags than any other person tha i knew of. he had so many tha he cud put them up into a a BIG pile an use it as a VERY smal bed. i tried to sleep on it once but the whol time yuo tried to move it suonded lik you wer in a gravel-trap an also “the walrus” was quite big an hard to push off u after he had had drunk his nightim cup of bleeeach an water.

one day wen we were tryin to catch rat-frogs under a bridg he said to me “yuo kno yugnich, i got everything – i famous. i got more plastic bags than anyone i kno” (then he fell over quick cos he was very very dizzy) “but i stil don thik tha i so happy abuot thins”

i lauged cos i knew tha it was jus cos he was hangin out with me and if yuo always lookin at someone who cool an who muscly and who can grow any sort of beeard (braided, solepatsh, chin, oneside, corn rows, bleached) then of course you not gonna be happy. no matter how many plastic bags you got. but i didn say tha cos i knew he wud be sad and drink a whole new cup tha was mostly bleach an not very much water.

insteead i said – “i will take yuo to a fancy place and tha will cheer you up.” i hadnt gone to a restraunt for a while because last time i went my small hairy frend Richard ‘Drickens’ Dawkins said got scared cos he brought sumthing back from the deepweb and had to go home early. i was also a bit scared but i realisd tha cos he was small an cos he didnt kno abuot thins an only liked to listen to his own beatboxing (even tho mine or even Troy’s (!!!) was better) he was always gonna be scared of the deep web. i will nevr be scared of the deep web or of anythin except from mayb very murky swimming pools an lions with machine guns strapped their moutsh an getting old (LOL!)

so me an “the walrus” got onto his trike an pedalled all the way to a restraunt called Myfields wich was opened by a chef fella cos he was always gettin kicked out of other peeopls gardesn for trying to eat their trees. he was reeal angry an jus wanted to scoff down sum good grub so he found a old sauna an said “this is a gud plac for a restrant” an then he called it myfields cos it was his field (evn tho it actualy jus a old sauna an it tiny an ther no grass or anythin).

me an “the walrus” came in an put down all of “the walrus”s plastic bags into a corner which took about 10 minutes cos they kept blowin evrywher an sum fella in the restrant kept tryin to stop us from doin it an sayin “you can put all of those bags in here – where did they come from? do you a reservation? why wont u say anythin to me? wher is tha smell of bleeach comin from?” wen we FINALLy managed to stuff the bags into the drains an plug sockets and corners an thins (there not many places to stuff bags – BTW) so that they wouldn go away we sat down at one of the tiny tables an said “grub me up!!!” wich everyone thought was HILARIOUs.

the fella who was stil cryin about tha he didnt have as many bags as “the walrus” cam an bruoght sum wine an sum food wich was a bit of old fish wich had some fishy gravel lumps with it and also had a soup of blackjacks on it. it was gross but i scoffed it down pretty quick cos i was intrested to look cool. “the walrus” had sum milk lump with syrup an he said he liked it.

then when we finished scoffin our grub i said “hey walrus. why do you can be called “the walrus”?” an he said “no one calls me the walrus” an i laughed an punched him full into the middle of his face. then he laughed too an then we both laughed an then the crying fella said “you ar goin to have to move your bags. also the bleach smell is upsettin everyone.” then i said “if your name not “the walrus” what is your name?”

an then “the walrus” said “my name is niall horan from one direction” an i said “the walrus is a much better name” an then the crying fella said “i threw your bags away” an then “niall horan from one direction” said “oh. thats sad.”

I give myfields 37/56


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picturs i drawn last year in no order

this a blog for sum peeopl who don use twitster cos they tha fellas who don get to see all of my drawins. i know tha them fellas ar prety silly for not bein on twister cos they prolly miss out on all the gud thins lik wen a PR person does a silly thin or wen a chef says sumthin meean or funny abuot anothr fella or sumthin or mayb falls over into his computr cos he so angry. it also gud for me to put thes pics ONLINE cos i draw so many pics tha i forgt i drawn them cos i hav to hide them cos i cant let my mum see them cos last tim she saw my drawins she was reeal mad an angry an sed “yugnich why did yuo draw this horible pic of me it is not NICE how ar yuo goin to be a LAWYER wen yuo do stupid thins lik this!!!!!!!” wich wasn very nic becos i only did a pictur of her playin wrestlin with 3 of her bes special frens who im not aluod to call “dad” or “orley” or “hey gumpnose!” an  she cud stil drive her car good an my cousin roy only had to paint half the house agen an i dont think she evn used the hoover tha much anyway. it also gud becos this is all the gud stuf tha happend last year:



it was the lympics an ther was this lil fella from cranada i thik an he won sum wierd swimin race were he had to punch the wattr LOTS AN LOTS an then his dad got all happy an jumpd aruond an sed “thas my lil boy! he punched the watr bettr than anyone! im gonna buy him a mint corneto!!!!” but im not sur if he ever got the mint corneto cos he a fat fella an he prolly ate them all up b4 his lil boy cud get his chops on it.


this my fren gingirls bday. she liks gin an she livs in the back of a tescos breadfactory so she gets all the best bits of bred tha don go to the shops cos they forgot to put rasins in them or the fellas got hungry an had a chomp of them befor the sold them an stuff. she also REEEAAAALY liks shaq from basktball evn tho hes reeal old now an he didn evn make any mor kazam genie films evn tho they wer obvs the best thing tha happnd from out of basketball. i mad him reeal small to mak gingirl feel bettr but also cos he is prolly small an not very clever. not lik STONE COLD!



this my othr fren GRIZTERS bday. shes reealy into skatbaords an tribal tatoos an she weears a to mch hair than she needs on her heead. 1 time wen i had tooo much hair on my heead also i calld up my fren TROY an aksed him if he wantd to cut it for me an he saed “no go away who is this? my name is Gerald. this is a bakery. are you still there? its 4 in the morning.” but i wasnt reealy listenin cos i was drawin pics of ultimate frisbee moves in my cereeal. now i cant hav any hair any more cos my mum says “it easer to not hav anythin than havin to always go to the doctor cos yuo don kno how to wash yuor hair proply” an i just laughd cos she doesnt know anythin abuot dreadlocks an it doesnt mattr anyway cos my armpit hair is longrenough to dreadlock anyway.


tha fella guz farey opened a restrant in NEWYORK in LA an no1 liked it much so i done this pictur to cheer him up. i don kno if it workd. guz?


this my frend hugsy. hes reealy into workin uot (even tho hes not very gud) but i gotta give him props cos he also liks string vests lik me except i don thik he weears enuf lether ties an stuf. we prety gud frens but secrtly i thik he hang aruond wit me an stuf cos i kno mor abuot fashion an once teachd him wat lasagner was. he thuoght it was type of fish food made of graps. this pic i done to cheer him up cos he reeal fancys tryal branks. she sum profesional bowler or sumthing.


new eggs

this was a competishion i went to to mak the best egg coverd in crisps. i din reeal see the point of it ether but i drank sum nice glug of beer an then fel asleep in a boat cos it was neear a river an then i wen hom an playd xbox 360 for a few days an made my own egg it crisps an took it to the competishion but it wasn ther an it was just a regular tescos anyway an sum fella tol me im not aluod ther anymor cos i din pay for my hand soap from last time.



thes ameican fellas had a comp to see who was mor poopular an the fella who playd the lil screechy fella in batman lost.


this was the lympics again. it was of wen it opend an i learnt tha kenrith brangar from the movies actualy made england. then bovis came aruond an sed a bunch of stuf but no1 was listen cos they wer al waitin for the lil divin fella to covr himself in chocolat an jump into sum water or they wer imagining how good we wud be if jasun stathum did all the lympic sports for england an wher wud we be able to keep all the medal?S?


origami snale.


this was ribcage guys bday. he drank 40 litres of bludy crums sause an was stil goin. hes a prity crazy fella an 1 day we are goin to go to laser quest togethr an each tak in a can of red stripe an see who can drink it befor i fal asleep or get angry at anothr kid for havin a bettr laser pack than i do.


this was the vote party again from wat i sed lik from abov.




this was from novembre wen los of fellas grow mustachs for chics an my mum says thas why thers los of babys in the next yeear cos of movembre. i was gonna grow 1 but then i grew a reeal big 1 an i went outsid an abuot hunred chicks wer al coming over to me an saying “wow yuo so cool can i tuoch yuor muostach when can we go an watch loserville togethr ive got 4 expansion packs for warcraft at home to yuo want to come play them on xbox?” an so i got bored an jasun stathum calld me an sed “come on guy leeave sum chics for the rest of us. heres 30£ go an buy a milkshake.” an i laughed so i cut it off anyway.

cpop bday


this was my fren cpopes bday. him an guz farey got togethr an punchd pizzas from fire an stone cos them pizzas suck an cpopes lauged a bunch but then he had to go to sleep cos he only bruoght 1 ice skate to the skating rink wher they went after. the nex day he went to pizza hut buffet an at so much pizza his fingernails fell off. it was a gud day i thik.



this is wen the royal fellas joshed evry1 wen they sed that they gonna hav a baby but actual it was a pillow tha she put in her top an k-mridz was only sik cos james corden textd her a pictur of him in the bath. they the best joshers in the land an thas how they became king an princes becos ashton krutcher from punkd tried to punk them but they knew abuot it so punkd him back an so the queen sed that they can be king an princess. 1 day i think i thik i wud becom king but i thik i wuldn be aluod to watch wrestlin blurays or play wit tech decks or nothin so i prolly wont.


thas TOOOOOO mcuh writin for me im sleepy. can i hav 4 hotdogs pleease? thaks.

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meeatliquor Review

i went to the restaurant meatlicker in london. i live outside of london so had to tak a trane to get their. the bloody tranes are so crap aren’t they? always wating on platforms, and then the conducter gets your ticket and says “why don you get a a job you bum” for no resaon even though i was just drawing pictures of jeff bridges on the window in felt tip.

meatlcker does lots of burgers. if you kno me, then you would hav seen my burger recipy. that was catualy just a joke my friend Simp did as a josh. I put a raw onion salad in his pog bag though. so we are even. when i got to the restaurant I had to queue, which was okay. there looks like theys rubbed all their fat on the windows. simp wasn’t there but he wouldve said it was juice from a boys middle. NOT MINE THOUGH!!!!! lollolo

i got in and ordered my food and a strong cocetail. it had champagne, berry juice, sprite and fanta in it i think. it came in an empty light bulb and served to me by a hot chich. then i had a burger which had mushrooms in it and a crunchy cucumber. the cucumber was crunchy and salt. the burger was mushroomy and good. i had to put a lot of red sauce on though otherwise i would not have Liked it so much.

Then I Had Too pay so that I could leave. it came to £7.50 with a tip. i left this on top of the chair becaus ethere was a person on the same table as me who looked like a no good nansy, and i knew he wassa gona take the dougg if I left it right in his bloody eye liner.

Then i got Mack on the train to my friend’s moms house to take a spliff puff and a play some PS£3 and listen to juggalo ryder

I give meatlicker 55/87


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Burger recipy

Burger Recipy


100grams ground meat

3 floury white buns

14 pickles

one cup mustard

thirteen litres lettuce

child’s handful of pepper


Mix everything into a bowl until congealed and stiff. Add the pepper and half the pickles. Season to taste.

Turn on the over to 180 degrees C.

Put the white buns under the grill under lightly chard.

Mix in the cheese until melted.

Turn on the frying pan and through in the burgers. Season to taste.

Cook the burgers until not raw.

Don’t forget the pepper!


Yum Yum!

Email me pictures of your results please: yugnich@hotmail.co.uk

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Bread Recipe

Does anyone know a recipe for bread?#

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My Best Sandwiches

People don’t think to like the sandwich. But I do. They are good during lunchtime to eat, but sometimes they make good breakfasts, when you put in eggs, bacon and butter. The bacon is salty, which is always nice with the butter, and the egg gives it a real nice eggy flavour. Don’t get me started on the bread thoug! Its gotta be white holemeal. GOtta be!

This are my favourite types of sandwiches, starting with this one:

A cheese sandwich. Diary always works the best in a sandwich. This is a good start to make sandwiches if you don’t really eat a lot of sandwiches all that often.

A meat sandwich. There’s meat in most sandwiches. This kid is gonna reall like this one. My best is with chicekn, and it tastes real good with the cheese. The two ingredient make each one better because of the salt, and because of the diarey. Always good to have a little glass of milk with the sandwich. Yup!

A crisp sandwich. Don’t ask me – ask your best friend, dummy!

An Egg sandwich. Do I need to say anything or do you just need to go into the kitchen and make yourselA sand wedge!



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