in london every1 always says ” we so spoiled for good thins to do” and everyone always so happy about the different scoff holes and bars an thins. but fellas dont often stop to think and say “hey actualy. where is the nearest paintball arean? what do i do if i wan to climb a tree as big as a buildin? if ther so many dojos then how come mos people arent even close to the level of karaty as me?” but it not such a bad place reealy.
i decided i should go to the new scran place from the chef frend of itsac and the clives from the clives club who is called Jonty Loowey an he used hav the world record for the most earings in 1 ear (6). he used to do cookin with his frends itsac and clives but then he decided to take sum time off so tha he could build the biggest beanbag in london. after a yeear he remembred he was allergic to beans an also bags so then he decided he prolly rather do a restrant instead so he opened a place called lilos which is named after a lilo cos of it is in a old changing room for a swimmin pool.
i went in an they said “hi do you have a reservation” an i said “my name is Neddins” which is a joke cos my name isnt Neddins its yugnich an then the lady behind the restrant desk said “i bet tha your joshin me. are you yugnich?” an i said “yes good one how did you know?” an she said somethin about my muscles, about my cool clogs and also something about that i had to put a shirt on an also i should stop screamin my own name. obvs i wasnt listening tho cos i was already smelling all of the things tha Jonty was cooking which i think was meat cereal.
i sat down on a lil chair an ordered a full plate of milk an a full bag of corn an then scratched my name an also a pictur of a horse into the table. then jonty came over an gave me a dish of food which was a old fish wich didnt even pong tha much at all. i took a bite an it was quite nice an a bit like eeating a chicken dipper if it was actually a fish.
then when i finished the fish i look down an seen that there actually a lil person who was one half as muscly as the rock an also one half as hairy as a badger and he looked up at me an say “hi yugnich” an his voice was as like the noise of a washing machine. an i say “hi lil hairy muscly guy” an then we shook hands an we exchanged email addresses an twitter names. then he got off my plate an pulled out a small pair of googl glasses an put them on an say “now tha you finished your ole fish why don we go for an adventur” so i put him in the top pocket of my dungarees an we got up an i started doin teh moonwalk to the door.
but then the lil guy said “no not thaat way yuggers” an he pointed towards a different way an i said “okay why not”. an then he pointed me to the kitchen where i walked in an told jonty not to worry (but he didn mind cos he was secretly eeating a family bag of nik naks an was blind from orange) an then me and the lil fella went to the fridge an i walked in an then the little fella got out of my pocket an jumped down to the corner of the fridge an knocked 4 times on the wall an all of a sudden a secret door opened an wat was behind it was the most SIIICK thing i ever seen in my life an i nearly was sick all down myself for a hour or two.
then the lil muscly guy said “cool huh?” an i nodded an i said “wat is your name lil fella” and he said “my name is richard dawkins. but you can call me Drickens.”
an then we went in the secret door in the back of the fridge in lilos
i give lilos 38/49