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The Clives Club


it was jus eeaster time which is good cos it my favurit holiday (obvs!?) obvs it my fav cos it all abuot eggs an i reeally love eggs. but also i don reealy lik it cos it mostly choc eggs an not reeal eggs an tha a bit like a notgood joke like wen i tol my fren Royne tha i had all his dogs an cats an hamsters an thins (an he got ALOT of them cos he sum big nerd an stuff) an i lockd them in a car an drove them into the sun an he was all scard cos he say “YUGNICH YUO NOT ALUOD TO TAKE ANY ANIMALS OUT OUT OF THE PETSHOP ANYTIME EVER!!” an i lauged cos i said i just joshin they not reealy in my car i don even hav a car an yuo cant even drive a car into the sun cos it cant fly an no1 knos wher the sun actualy is anyway. an then we both lauged alot except he didn cos he was still shuotin thins like “I know yuo don have a car but wher are all the animals” and “did yuo open all the cages” an wat did i tell yuo abuot playin wrestlin with the hamsters yugnich!” but i didnt reealy care cos i knew he was jus angry cos i got ole Royne with a good josh. if yuo reeading this then LOL ROYNE! but he got me back to cos whenevr i go to work he always say to me yuo not aluod comin here anymor. josher.

so cos i din hav to gone to work cos of Royne;s joshing i thuoght i wud go get sum nic food in london at my frens Itsacs place in shohdatch an it calld clive’s club. ther 2 fellas ther who done all the waiterin an goofin with customers an stuff an they ar both called Clive an wen they wer yuonger they used to go to the same google maps fan group an then they started doin ther own google maps fan club in ther house an they called it The Clives Club an Itsac used to come aruond an he started brining snacks aruond for evryones like boiled eggs an grabags an stuff an they said “shud we start a cool restrant in a old museum or sumthin” an they said yes an then they chest pumped an then it was open.

I wen ther an then got a nice lil table in one of the old museum rooms an then i said “bring me sum burgers or sumin Clive” an they said okay an went off an got me sum food but it wasn burgers but it was stil quite good but i little mad at itsac cos he obvs stolen all my ideas for good foodstuffs. first he bruoght me sum lil chicken nuggs (yuo gotta give it to chicken nuggs. yuo just GOTTA!) an then sum lil red carrots wit sum spicy burger sauce an sum gravel which was quite good but not as good as the chick nugz. then they put sum ham in the microwave for me wich was nic an sweeaty wich i scoffed reeal quick an then i munched sum lil fish pile an then sum othr muscly fish with sum green stuff an green crips. then i did a lil bit of pressups an then they brung me a nice kebab wich they put on a plate an made it all fancy wich was quit good an then the last thin was a plat of sum hummus an sum gravel an sum cereeal wich was reeal good an i scoffed it all reeal quick.

then it was all good an fnished an i thuoght that quit nice 2 clives an itsac but now i gotta go home cos i jus rememered tha i had almost all the animals from the petshop in my bath an Royne is prolly made an also my mum wud prolly not be happy abuot me cloggin up the bath again. oh oh.

i give Clives Club 54/60 cos it was all my fav foods like gravel an chick nuggs an ham an stuff.


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Pits Cube and Eeat Street

sometime is hard wen yuo running a big time famus blog like this cos you get so much stuf you gotta do yoou can actualy do want you want to done. like go to legoland or to draw designs for cool tech decks like you wud normaly do. like this week i had to done los of emails an cos i hav to read los of press reeleeses from companys and stuff. but its good becos them companys always tryin to mak somthing suond intresting wen its not intresting so me an all them other food BIG TIME GUYS can have a josh at them cos they all prolly written by a pig trying to get out of a room full of laptops.

when i done it all tho and i finish work at the pet shop i went to gone to Pits Cube Ribs cos evryone tol me gud they were. I got there prity quickly after i done work but ther was one big bloody Q! i wanted ribs reeal bad so i waited for prolly about 3 and 3 quartz hours (i los my watch wen i was free running with my crew “the good time running and jumping on things guyz”) but then when i gots to the frunt the wuldnt let me in. i tol them my name was Mr Yugnich Gritkin but they still wuldnt. Even tho I was wearin my string vest and had abuot fourteen air rifles in my belt. i think i was bleeding from my face cos i ran into a phone box wen i tried to climb it.

i still wanted ribs so i went to seen my frend the ribcage guy on eeat Street. Eat street is a group of peopl who don have anyhomes so insted of sleepin in the street they buy cars and sell food scraps they find in places out there windows. somtimes yuo get bred pizzas or burgrs or a car made of moss wich sells meeat blobs and are good an tasty. i always liken ribs frum ribcage guy. he puts them in a bred rol and cooks his ribs from about a millionty hours which makes them nice flesh pile. then i put on his sause called ‘bloody crumbs’ hot sause. it is good and hot and makes me spill my nose and eyes juice. eeat street is nice when it sunny. but this week it wasn sunny it was raining so it was actully horrible and i din like eeat street cos it was wet an i had to do looooooooooooooooooooooooads of pressups to keep myself warm. them ribs was nice though. when i went home i shivered for a few hours cos i was cold but then i put on my oven an listned to insane clown posse. prolly my numba one favuorit band.

i give pits cube 0/0 (full marks!) an eeat street 100%/150%

by Yugnich Gritkin

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