Tag Archives: sick!

puff town

pufftown

yesterdat was haloween wich is 1 of my fav holidays cos yuo get to not go to work an sit at home al day watching scary movies like paranormal games an forrrest gump an the 1 wher the fella calls up peopl on the phone an says “ooh im watchiin yuo an yuor ar scared in ur big huose” an then he scares them lots cos he no good nancy. i thik it called “you got mail”. this yeear i dressed up reeal good as WOLVEREEN from XMEN an went trick or treeatin to my mums frend dane who lives next door an he lauged an said “yuo not even dressed up as anythin YUGNICH” an i lauged cos he OBVIOUSLY dosnt kno anythin about XMEN an didn reealis tha i was wolverin when he not mad and wen worlverin not made his forks don come out of his hands but he still muscly with sick hair an a metal skeleton. wen i finished laughin (wich was ALOT later) i said “ok wel if i don get a treeat then here comes yuor trick sucker. if im not dressd as wolverin cud i do this?” an then i ran down the steps and jumped heeadfirst into his car windscreen an it smashed evrywher an it was cool an awesome and dane was impressed an only a lil bit mad but not tha mad cos he said he din even hav a car anymore an he didn kno whos tha was. but i just lauged and sang the XMEN theme tune in my heead for ages.

wen i got out of the hospital for al the cuts an stuf i was feelin preety hungry so i decided to go to my frend Neils from jons salt and pits cube new restrant called Puff TOwn. i knew it was prolly gonna be good cos of a few thing 1 – neils pretty muscly an he got sick tattos 2 – neils liks sick music like insane clown possy 3 – it called puff town so ther prolly gonna be at leeast 1 chanc to do sum bongs 4 – dane wasnt gonna be there. wen i got ther i was surprised tha it wasnt mor cool an was actualy more like my nans house cos of the lame music (ed sheeeran can fall in a well) an old peeopl stuf. but at leeast it din smel lik cats an burnt hair (my nan lik to play a gam called ‘burn the cats hair’ but i don like it so much). but it was not tha bad reealy. then i wen to the bar an aksed for a drink an the lady said they had a milliion diff beers an wich one wud i like but i got confused so jus went an sat down anyway with a mug of zade tha i had in my bag anyway. then i orderd sum food an saw neils through a littl gap in the wall an he was got no shirt on an he was headbanging an i though “ok mayb this gonna be a lil sick” an then sum food cam wich was a mcdonalds apple pie with sum old eg an the inside of a sausag roll wich was yumster cos of the mcdonalds bit an then i got sum meeat which was tastin like my nans cats (like sum fire) an was pretty good an yum an i liked it quit a lot. then i said to the lady at the bar “how abuot some puff town bongs?” an she looked at me funny an din say anythin an i thuogh thats quit weird an then i looked aruond an evey1 was lookin at me weird an i din kno why so i put my shirt back on (even tho it was still all got lots of blood from wen i jumped thru the carr) an went home.

then wen i was gone to bed i reeliased why every1 was lookin at me funny: i was still dress as WOLVERINE> OBVIULSY!!!!!!!

i giv puff town 66/78. gud job,

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jons salt

jonssalr

i been a bit sad for a whil cos the last thin i wrote on here was my lettr to the france cook TV lady rachel coo an I aksed her to write to me or somthin but she never did :(. wich is not good cos like my mum says, even if you don reeally like a fella you still have to be nice to them an invite them to play in yuor room becos it not everyday tha a fella comes round an brings yuo flowers or takes yuo to wokmania chines buffet or brings yuo a pineappl pizza or fixes yuor washin machine or leeaves his car somewher so tha you can crash into it.

so it made me sad for a lil whil an only listened to slow hoobastank songs an did a lot of dark art drawins wich were mostly inspird by banksy an they reeally good but i had to throw them away cos my mum says tha all the spraypaint scrud made our food go rancid an tha if i want to graf i shuold go do it on a wall somehwer an not inside of a fridge but i was only half listenin cos i was scoffin this old chees an onion pasty i found. aftr tha i was sick for lots of time but i thik i ok now. i just cant eeat tha many eggs anymor or look at ham or stand up so good.

wen i strated to feel bettr i thuoght i kno wat wud make me bettr it would be to go to the big smoke an scoff sum grub. i went to a place called jons salt wich is a place in sum boring scrud place tha looks lik a outdoor version of Stratford Westfield an is a restrant started by a fella called jon who used to just serve salt crips an othr scrud but then sum chef came alon and said “IM GONNA COOK HERE AN IM GONNA MAKE FELLAS EEAT BRICKS.” an then lots of fellas did go ther an fellas did eeat bricks but then he got bord an ran out of good bricks to find and got reeeeeealy into world of warcraft an said “I DON WAN TO COOK ANYMORE. NOW I AM A FULLTIME ORC!” an then he left so then sum othr chef fella from the pits cube truck came an said “ill cook here as long as i can start fires wherever i want an i get a lifetim supply of cool hats.” an jon said ok.

wen i got ther sum fella sat me on a lil bench with some othr fellas who obvs wanted to be my frend but i didnt talk to them much cos i was watchin youtube vids on my smartphone (obvs). the fellas were also a bit lame an was talkin lots abuot othr places they went to eeat an all fancy thins they done an fellas they knew so i looked at them an said “HEY LOOK THERS GODRUN RAMSNEY” an they got all excitd an 1 of them smashed his heead into the wall cos he was so excited an then i said “hes not reeally ther yuo doofuses.” an becos they wer so excited it was obvius they wernt propr foodies like me. so they cried an left.

then i ordered sum food wich was a big meeat crisp with sum coleslaw on it wich was ok an i scoffed it but most of my teeth broke on it i thik an then also a egg wich had sum crisps on it an it was with a lil pile of meeal scruds wich was quit nic an then i had a steeak meeat (or mayb it was horse! why the long neigh beef?!?!?!?!LOL) wich had a sause on it wich was a whol garlic breead scrunched into a lil sause an then sum chippy things wich was ok.

after i scoffed it all i said to the fellas good job. an then let the fellas next to me (still crying lika baby) pay for watevr i ate cos i din reealy want to an also i didn have any money anyway an then went home an felt better abuot rachel coo. becos now that i don care abuot her anymore i can focus on other chicks. so look out “the world”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i give jons salt 78/94

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reetas dining place

reetas is a restarant in a plac calld dallstone an it isn so gud so i was scard wen i went ther cos peeopl on twitster sed thins lik thers fellas ther with red truosers an cool beeards (i used to hav a beeard wich was reeal big but i don hav it anymor cos wen i used to do karaty fellas wud say “YUGNICH COOL GUY we cant nock yuo out cos yuor beeard is to big so we nevr hit yuo on the chin” an i lauged cos i knew it was actualy cos im reeal strong but i shavd it off anyway an now thers ALOT mor peeopl with sorer hands at karaty. suckrs). dallston i thik is full of weeird suckrs who hav silly tatoos lik ones that arnt tribal an thins so i don thik i wud go ther a lot but now thers gud placs lik restrants with nice food so ther will be mor cool peeopl lik food blog guys aruond.

i went to the restrant reetas wich is a plac wich i thik used to be a old skool classroom an now they use it for kids birtday parties an thins so they hav to put stiky tabl cloths on the tabls so tha wen the lil fellas hav 2 to much fanta an flyin sausers they can vomit lots an not worry so much lik wen i be sik in the showr or the dirty washin baskt (even tho my mum stil says “YUGNICH DID YUO MAKE A SICK IN THE WASHIN AGAIN YUO BLUDY DUMMY. NO SKYRIM FOR A WEEK!” but she doesn kno tha i got skyrim on my ps vita LOL!). they also got sum old skool chairs from wen it was 1 classroom an they arnt so comfy evn tho i cud prolly sit anywer an itd be ok. lik on a tree or a spiky rock or evn a angry hors.

i wen an sat down on one of them chairs but no1 cam an aks me wat i wanted an also i din kno wat i wantd cos the menu only had thins lik “COOL DUBSTep VJ PLAYIN ON 70th SEPTMBER” an i din unerstand. my frend lils ullen was ther with me so i waitd until she orderd sumin an then wen they bruoght it over i said “ILL HAV WAT SHES HAVIN!!” an evryon lauged cos it was lik the film “when harry did it with sally in a cafe”. then they bruoght me a cup of sum juic wich was reeal cold an was a bit lik a battry leeaked in i thik. i got a pancak with a fish bit in it wich was prety nic an it had sum lemonad on it but it fel evrywher an i also had a sanwich with a burgr in it (WTF LOLOL!!!) which was reeal gud cos it had sum chees spred in it an sum jam also in it an it was covred in lil blak crisps wich wer rooast beef flavur i thik.

then i was ful an the battry ice glug mad me feel lik sleepin so i had a lil nap an tehn i went hom. the fella in the bar din even ask if i was gona pay so i sed to sum fella who had on red truosrs an glases mad of a cooathanger that he can pay for me an i thik he was happy cos he new i was YUgnICH an he was prolly also a foodblog guy.

wen i got home i did sum trainin for the olmpics an it was gud.

i give reetas 93/94 (wow reeal gud!!)

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