Tag Archives: yugnich

a open letter to rachel coo

rkhooks

deear rachel coo,

i know tha i mak a lot of goofs an tha i a bit of a cheeky guy, but im a bbit sad tha yuo never reply to my tweets or my emails or my phon calls (i always get scard an hang up befor yuo answer LOL!) an i not even sur yuo got tha bit of leftover pizza i sent to yuor house on xmas (if yuo did an yuo don want it can i hav it back?).

i rememer the first time i saw yuo on TV rkhooks an it was a greeat day. i had jus had a nice cold bath an me an my frend Tubbers wher dryin ourselvs off an he said “hey yugnich i bet yuo cuoldnt do a tombston lik the undertaker cuold yuo big wimp!” an i lauged cos obvs i knew tha i cud. prolly bettr than the undertaker actualy cos i thik i cud be in wrestlmania if i wanted but i don want to cos i just want to focus on being a big time food guy. so then as a surpris i jumped up on the couch to tombston Tubbers but then I changed my mind a bit becaus i immediatly fel over an smashed a glas coffe tabl an brok my nans wheelchair an fell into a fishtank an woke up the baby sleepin next door. but tubbers i thik was pretty glad i din tombston him cos he wudve been SORE!

wen i fell over i also fell onto the remot control an it turned on the TV an on TV was yuo R-Dog. i cant remember wat yuo were doing (prolly makin sum gross frogs legs or watever othr yuck stuff yuo mak is), but i thuogh “wow. thers 1 very pretty lady.” yuo had lips wich were red: as red as jordans. an hair wich was black: as black as a black pencil crayon. an a smile tha was like a cheeky baby guffing itself. an yuo had eyes.

i thuoght “wow yugnich is that yuor mu is tha yuor future wife?” an then i thuoght again “yes it prolly is.” so thas wen i fell in love with yuo rachel. an thas when i started to send yuo stuf an try get yuor attenshion.

i know it must be hard for yuo cos yuo prolly got a reeal weeak wimpy fella in greece (or wherevr yuo are), an he prolly crys at yuo al the time to stay with him an make poridg an boring stuff. an i kno yuo prolly scard that if yuo came to me yuod get jealuos cos i was so muscly an whenevr i tak yuuo out on my scootr an i got my bandana on an my spandex crocs an im got no shirt on an the rain is makin my guns reeal wet yuo imagin los of girls comin up to me an sayin “wow yugnich yuo so buff. yuo wanna do snogs?” but it actualy doesnt happen tha much (prolly cos they also nervuos). so yuo shuoldn worry.

it valentins day today rachel an i don wan yuo to be alone. my mum said tha no1 shuold be alone an so thas why she invites los of her frens aruond tha im not aloud to call dad an im also not aloud to play with them in her room. its gud tha she isnt lonley an so i don wan yuo to be lonely eithr cos sumtimes when peeople try to not be lonly they make othr peeopl lonley an tha isnt nice.

we wudnt even hav to go anywer r-coo. my mum is gonna see her-not-dad-frend so yuo can come aruond an i can make us sum chix bits an then yuo cud watch me do sum pressups and we can both think abuot out favuorit ice creeam flavuors (yellow).

yuo might be busy tho rachel so mayb im sorry. if yuo reead this can yuo pleeas at leeast say hello? send me a tweet (@yugnichgritkin) or a email (yugnich@hotmail.co.uk) or a letter or a cake or a box of crackers or find me on the skyrim forums or sumthing cos tha wud make me very happy.

thank yuo.

yuor guy,

Yugnich Gritkin

xxx

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meeat mashine

meeatmashin

them meeat fellas hav don it agen! they opend a nother restrant. it good for them cos every1 always sayin how fellas havnt got any money an so we gonna hav to eeat insects an got 3 jobs an my mums gona hav to let all her frends sleep in her bed cos they got no beds of ther own an stuff. so it gud that they havin a fun tim cookin burgrs an an stuf cos it not only tha we got no money but also it janury an it cold an so fellas evrywher ar angry an if yuo go on twitster (like i do ALOT cos i got a LOT of frends ther who arnt lik my frens in reeal life so they arnt always callin me an sayin “yugnich i thik yuo left yuor leeather string vest chaps at my huose” or “yugnich yuor skatbording skills arnt very gud” or “yugnich is my dad at yuor mums house agen?!?” an then laugh some an then hang up an i normly shuot “FLIP OFF BRAD!!” cos i kno i din leeav my chaps ruond his house an obviously my skarbord skils ar THE BOMB an his dad dosnt come ruond to visit my mum anymor cos last tim he cam ruond i drawn a pic of him wich was very funny so tha when i drawd it i laugd so much tha a lil bit of wee came out an then he got mad an sed “THAT IS NOT A NICE DRAWiN YUGNICH!! wat is tha smell?. yugnich yuor jeeans ar completly coverd in muck. why ar yuo weearing my trousers?”) fellas always complainin abuot thins lik burgers existin an peeopl takin photos of sanwichs an how to mak the bes hats made of chees an othr importnt thins lik tha. so it nic tha them meeat fellas don a nothr plac.

the new 1 is calld meeat mashin an it in a plac wich isn so eeasy to find an so i thik it used to be a job centr cos it hidden an yuo hav to go thruogh som scary doors an ther no so many windows but thers los of tabls an when i got ther them fellas recognisd me instantly an so they sed “com her wud yuo lik a tabl for 1?” but i din notic cos i was alreeady siting down wherevr i feel lik it.

then i aksed for the biggst beer tha they cud do cos i was thirsy cos i was imagining differnt freerunnin moves i cud do in ther (lots. obviusly) an so they bruoght me a nic beer in a upside down watr cooler bottle. i tried to drink it tho but it only had a lil handl from a teeacup so i pickd it up an it fel down an broke evrywher an then evry1 lauged an sed “oh yugnich. wat a josher.” an i lauged a lot as wel but it was also very sore cos a LOT of glas went into my foot an i had to hide it by puttin my foot in my backpack wich workd a treeat cos it is a camo backpack (obvs.)

then i had sum lil chix strips wich wer all mushy an coverd in salt an vinegr crisps an ketchup wich wer prety good an then i had a burger wich was long lika subway an had sum nic lil onions in it an sum brown soup an sum mayonase wich i thik was rancid cos i at tha whol thin an it made my eyes sor an my nose hurt an my throat feel lik i was eeatin sum fire. then i was finishd an i put sum mony on the tabl an startd to leeave but fellas were callin me tryin to get me to stay sayin thins lik “excuse me, do yuo know yuor foot is in yuor bag? why is ther so much blood aruond yuor table? are youo okay? mayb yuo shuldnt leeav yet. yuo shuold cleean up this mess. wow yuo look reeal musly like yuo cud do ALOT of push ups!!” i not sure abuot the last 1 cos i cudnt reealy heear anythin anymor cos i was feelin woozy an tired. then i went an got a trane but fel asleep for a few days an now im feel bettr an awake.

i giv meeat machine 13/28
MEATmission on Urbanspoon

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picturs i drawn last year in no order

this a blog for sum peeopl who don use twitster cos they tha fellas who don get to see all of my drawins. i know tha them fellas ar prety silly for not bein on twister cos they prolly miss out on all the gud thins lik wen a PR person does a silly thin or wen a chef says sumthin meean or funny abuot anothr fella or sumthin or mayb falls over into his computr cos he so angry. it also gud for me to put thes pics ONLINE cos i draw so many pics tha i forgt i drawn them cos i hav to hide them cos i cant let my mum see them cos last tim she saw my drawins she was reeal mad an angry an sed “yugnich why did yuo draw this horible pic of me it is not NICE how ar yuo goin to be a LAWYER wen yuo do stupid thins lik this!!!!!!!” wich wasn very nic becos i only did a pictur of her playin wrestlin with 3 of her bes special frens who im not aluod to call “dad” or “orley” or “hey gumpnose!” an  she cud stil drive her car good an my cousin roy only had to paint half the house agen an i dont think she evn used the hoover tha much anyway. it also gud becos this is all the gud stuf tha happend last year:

 

bert

it was the lympics an ther was this lil fella from cranada i thik an he won sum wierd swimin race were he had to punch the wattr LOTS AN LOTS an then his dad got all happy an jumpd aruond an sed “thas my lil boy! he punched the watr bettr than anyone! im gonna buy him a mint corneto!!!!” but im not sur if he ever got the mint corneto cos he a fat fella an he prolly ate them all up b4 his lil boy cud get his chops on it.

ginbday

this my fren gingirls bday. she liks gin an she livs in the back of a tescos breadfactory so she gets all the best bits of bred tha don go to the shops cos they forgot to put rasins in them or the fellas got hungry an had a chomp of them befor the sold them an stuff. she also REEEAAAALY liks shaq from basktball evn tho hes reeal old now an he didn evn make any mor kazam genie films evn tho they wer obvs the best thing tha happnd from out of basketball. i mad him reeal small to mak gingirl feel bettr but also cos he is prolly small an not very clever. not lik STONE COLD!

 

grizzibday

this my othr fren GRIZTERS bday. shes reealy into skatbaords an tribal tatoos an she weears a to mch hair than she needs on her heead. 1 time wen i had tooo much hair on my heead also i calld up my fren TROY an aksed him if he wantd to cut it for me an he saed “no go away who is this? my name is Gerald. this is a bakery. are you still there? its 4 in the morning.” but i wasnt reealy listenin cos i was drawin pics of ultimate frisbee moves in my cereeal. now i cant hav any hair any more cos my mum says “it easer to not hav anythin than havin to always go to the doctor cos yuo don kno how to wash yuor hair proply” an i just laughd cos she doesnt know anythin abuot dreadlocks an it doesnt mattr anyway cos my armpit hair is longrenough to dreadlock anyway.

guzfarey

tha fella guz farey opened a restrant in NEWYORK in LA an no1 liked it much so i done this pictur to cheer him up. i don kno if it workd. guz?

hugesy

this my frend hugsy. hes reealy into workin uot (even tho hes not very gud) but i gotta give him props cos he also liks string vests lik me except i don thik he weears enuf lether ties an stuf. we prety gud frens but secrtly i thik he hang aruond wit me an stuf cos i kno mor abuot fashion an once teachd him wat lasagner was. he thuoght it was type of fish food made of graps. this pic i done to cheer him up cos he reeal fancys tryal branks. she sum profesional bowler or sumthing.

 

new eggs

this was a competishion i went to to mak the best egg coverd in crisps. i din reeal see the point of it ether but i drank sum nice glug of beer an then fel asleep in a boat cos it was neear a river an then i wen hom an playd xbox 360 for a few days an made my own egg it crisps an took it to the competishion but it wasn ther an it was just a regular tescos anyway an sum fella tol me im not aluod ther anymor cos i din pay for my hand soap from last time.

 

obramawin

thes ameican fellas had a comp to see who was mor poopular an the fella who playd the lil screechy fella in batman lost.

ol,mpics

this was the lympics again. it was of wen it opend an i learnt tha kenrith brangar from the movies actualy made england. then bovis came aruond an sed a bunch of stuf but no1 was listen cos they wer al waitin for the lil divin fella to covr himself in chocolat an jump into sum water or they wer imagining how good we wud be if jasun stathum did all the lympic sports for england an wher wud we be able to keep all the medal?S?

origamysnale

origami snale.

ribcagguybday

this was ribcage guys bday. he drank 40 litres of bludy crums sause an was stil goin. hes a prity crazy fella an 1 day we are goin to go to laser quest togethr an each tak in a can of red stripe an see who can drink it befor i fal asleep or get angry at anothr kid for havin a bettr laser pack than i do.

voteparteyus

this was the vote party again from wat i sed lik from abov.

 

movemere

 

this was from novembre wen los of fellas grow mustachs for chics an my mum says thas why thers los of babys in the next yeear cos of movembre. i was gonna grow 1 but then i grew a reeal big 1 an i went outsid an abuot hunred chicks wer al coming over to me an saying “wow yuo so cool can i tuoch yuor muostach when can we go an watch loserville togethr ive got 4 expansion packs for warcraft at home to yuo want to come play them on xbox?” an so i got bored an jasun stathum calld me an sed “come on guy leeave sum chics for the rest of us. heres 30£ go an buy a milkshake.” an i laughed so i cut it off anyway.

cpop bday

 

this was my fren cpopes bday. him an guz farey got togethr an punchd pizzas from fire an stone cos them pizzas suck an cpopes lauged a bunch but then he had to go to sleep cos he only bruoght 1 ice skate to the skating rink wher they went after. the nex day he went to pizza hut buffet an at so much pizza his fingernails fell off. it was a gud day i thik.

zinger

 

this is wen the royal fellas joshed evry1 wen they sed that they gonna hav a baby but actual it was a pillow tha she put in her top an k-mridz was only sik cos james corden textd her a pictur of him in the bath. they the best joshers in the land an thas how they became king an princes becos ashton krutcher from punkd tried to punk them but they knew abuot it so punkd him back an so the queen sed that they can be king an princess. 1 day i think i thik i wud becom king but i thik i wuldn be aluod to watch wrestlin blurays or play wit tech decks or nothin so i prolly wont.

 

thas TOOOOOO mcuh writin for me im sleepy. can i hav 4 hotdogs pleease? thaks.

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2013 food trens

it neearly the end of the yeear an so it tim for all the fellas to say thins like “this is the yeear wen drinkin in placs lik behind homebase with roy an yahoney reealy became big” an “2012 was the yeear tha the chef expendabls was inventd an jims fishwood was sad but then othr peeopl wer hapy he was sad an wish he was sad mor an it was also the yeear tha dabooz did wel but also now it not so gud cos peeopl ar bored an if yuo lik it now yuo arnt a reeal foody but street food is stil good an stuff” an stuff. it also the time wen clevr peeopl try decid wat is gonna be gud for next year. nex year i prolly gonn buy a new lether bandana cos my old 1 got coverd in blood an sick an bred an stuf from wen i tried to mak a spageti for my dins. my mum wasn very happy but she din mind too much cos i hid most of the mess i made under the bed an it only smel a lil bit so it not so bad.

this is wat prolly gonna be big in 2013. don forget it fellas!:

orderin food thru blutooth

clay

Grodrun ramsney

yuo gotta give it to him. yuo jus GOTAA!

godrun

sheep buckts

laptop sanwich

sanwichs in the shap of laptops. the bes 1 will be calld the “macbookpro” an it wil be 45 slices of breosh bred 13 bits of mayo a whol heeap of mash sum spinash mayb sum ham. i don reealy kno. i don kno if it been inventd yet but it suonds lik it a good idea. prolly be bigtim.

laptop-sandwich

surpris restrants in bathrooms

so wen fellas go to mak toilet they walk in ssay “oh look thers tha fella tum carridge makin noodl omlets in the corner ther. thas gud i wil hav pleeas tum!” excep mayb not tum cos he mite not fit an stuf. may tho if it a big lil bathroom.

tums

new zeeland food

i don no wher new zeeland is. mayb it in africa or america or sumthin. but fellas only lik food from placs they nevr heard abuot or food tha they eeat a lot anyway but not in nice restrants so they can say “did yuo hav the egg sanwich from Norma?!?! it lik a egg sanwich but it was bludy good an tha lil fella Reny made an it tasted soooooo gud lik a egg in sum bred! wow!” in new zeeland they prolly eat thins lik egg sanwichs or sandpits or sumthin but fellas will be happy cos they can say to ther frends “wow did yuo eat the egg sandpit at newzeelandfoodplac! it was so difrent it was amazin!” an then they go sumwher an be sick an eat 40 mcdronlands burgrs on the bus to ther huose.

lotrfood

fruit

no thas jus a josh. no1 reealy liks fruit. LOLMA!!

jamieoliverREX_468x314

wresling restrants

peeopl love placs lik the Raininfort Cafe an the plac wher yuo can play ping tennis an eeat pizza (im the bes at ping tennis. obvuisly) so i thik restrants tha hav wresling on 24 7 wud be reeal popular cos fellas cud go ther, mayb eeat a cuople of chix bits, tak his shirt off an do a cuopl tombstonin moves. then mayb chill out with a nic glass of egg an do it all again. wat fella wudn wanna do go to tha restrant?!?

tumblr_m4gipsRofm1rp0ev7o1_500

pizzaa

wrapd up an then put into a blendr an then fried for 40 mins an then put into a burgr. i thik the meeat fellas ar gonna done it.

the internet

ET computer kid happy surprised2

easy

 

 

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dirt burgers

sumtimes thins lik restraunts is reealy confusing cos all sorts of peeopl don always wanna do smart thins lik go to eeat a pizza hut buffet evn tho yuo can get as much food as yuo wan, thers abuot a millon of them an it maks yuo ful lik yuo eeaten a hunred eggs an yuo won hav to go to the toilet for another thriteen days. i had 4 pizza hut buffets in 2 days once wich i thuoght was reeally gud but then my mums cuosin sed “why din yuo jus got twic in 2 days an eeat twice as much eeach tim an then yuo wuoldn hav to pay 4 times. only 2 times.” wich i din reealy thik abuot but i din wanna look stupid so i askd him wat a TRONKUSO was an he sed he din kno an i lauged a lot an sed “yuo arnt even a FOODIE like me yuo dum guff so wat wuold yuo know abuot food yuo IDIOT !!!!!” an then i did a ninja move rite neear to his face so close that it was like a mini hurrican of scary neear him an then he vomited on himself an started cryin an my mum sed “YUGNICH STOP PRETENDIN TO PUNCH THAT BABY!” but i was reealy listenin cos i was thinkin abuot TRONKUSO an the fact tha i don reealy kno wat it is.

my fren J. Rainer wen to eeat it the othr day an los of othr peeopl say tha its the thin tha evrybody shuold be eeatin now cos its cool an  tha meeans yuo cant reealy eat it cos evry1 else is eeatin it an yuo cant book tables an the retrants only have abuot 1 an a half tables anyway an if J. Rainer is eeatin ther then most of the tables will be being used anyway cos of his hair. in new york it is bettr becaus fellas lik gruy Frieery kno abuot gud thins an open restants with a millon seeats wich is gud becaus it meeans i can bring in my scootr an also a bag of bred an stuf. i din get to eeat TRONJUSO cos of all these reeasons. also cos i don kno wat it is. i think its a smal bag of crisps or sumthin.

insted i wen to eeat sum burgers cos they ar stil gud an all the fellas kno this so we gonna hav A LOT MOre bugr places open in london (yesssssssssssssssssssss). i wen to 1 calld dirt burgr wich is in a lil car park an is a cool lil sauna wit a big tabl in the  middl wich wud be perfect for sum brakdansin if ther werent so many peeopl eeatin on it. i wen to the cuonter an got 1 burger an asked for a sprite but the girl sed sumthin an pointed but i nevr got a sprit. insted thers a nice frige with free drinks wich is good. i was thirsy so i had 14 ciders from the fridg an then i felt reeal sick an sleepy. then my burger came an i ate it an it was nice an cruncy an it was gud. the bes thing abuot dirt burger was tha all tha fellas in ther were talkin abuot burgers an wich 1 in london was the best 1. i heard sum fellas talkin abuot mother flippz an Byzron an stuff so i stood up on my chair cos i was goin to talk abuot MEATLICKEr but then i fel over cos i drunk another free cidr to quickly. then i wok up outside a few huors later an my heead hurt quite bad.

then i wen home an reead sum of wikipedia until i fell asleep again an dreamt abuot all the diffrent crocs in the world.
i give dirt burger 44/100

 
Dirty Burger on Urbanspoon
 

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clud brozi got angrey

tha other day a big mess happend on the internet between gudtim chefs an bigtim bloggers. it was quite bad cos los of peeopl were reeal upset lik the tim tha i wantd to wash wrestlmania but insted i went to meet my frend hoyt guffrod an we went an crank calld Mr Jonson an sed thins lik “yuo a smelly spazzer” an “yuo guffbox” an “i bet yuo never been at the front of the bus” an “do YUO EVEN KNO WAT SKYRIM IS?” an othr clevr zingers. it was reeeal funny an me an hoyt laufghed a lot but then Mr Jonsons mum came ovr an sed that we shuold get away from the window an tha its not nice too shuot at disabled peeopl an how wud i feel if peeopl wer laufghin at me but i wasn reeally listenin cos i was tryin to get my rollerblad unstuck out of her rose bush an grass an fence an car window.

the sam thin happned to the bigtim chef fella clud brozi cos he invited 1 of his bes frens Jims Fishwood to com eeat sum scraps at his restrant HisBiscuits. they had a good josh aruond an i think they were goofin eeach othr an then the fella Jims went home an wrot on the internet tha he din lik the pancake. Clud then got reeal angry an called Jims a NoGooDNANcy an other stuff an then los of other big tim chefs lik tum carriag an scrat brains an Broggers got excited cos i thik they wer jeealous of Jims cos he was bes frens with Clud an they wanted to be bes frens with him. so then they joind in an sed thins lik “im gona guff his face in” an “DOWN with BLoggers” an “lets throw crocs at him” but actshually Clud was very sad cos he los his bes frend. i don thik los of peeopl lik him anymor but i don thik he cares cos now he deead insid cos his fren Jims is gon away. here sum pics i drew of wat happened.

this is clud brozi wen he angry cos he reead the blog by Jims FIshwood. he got a gun an a knif, but he just tryin to be scary he isn actuly goin to do nothin.

this wat he actualy feel lik cos he lost 1 of his bes frens.

this is wen he now deead inside an him an all his bigtim chef frens formed “tha chef expendables” cos they don lik bloggrs anymore an they gonna fight them good an proper lik the reeal expendables excep only on the internet. an they will prolly say sorry aftrwards cos they din reealy meean it. but they gonna be big TUOGH GUYS anyway.

i give clud brozi -10/100 for bein a no gud nansy with no frens.

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duck wafer

the other day tha fella Frelicks Brumgartner jumpd out of a baloon reeal high from tha gruond. so who cares anyway! crank 2 done it out of a plane an landed on a car an he DIN even hav a stupid parashoot or nothin! i was gonna do a sam thin once time wen i was flyin to sumwher lik italy or croydon or sumthin so i wore my best ooakley sunglases an a awesom camo leeather traousers an sed to the plane flyer wen i got on “im prolly gonna do a coupl of backflips wen we get to abuot 3000000 feet so jus let me know pleease.” i don thik he was very happy tho cos i was gonna be tha coolest guy on the plane an he din want that to happen so much so he tol me i had to leeav an go back home. then they took me out the airport an sed “why did yuo done that? how did yuo get in? do yuo even have a ticket? did yuo steeal these crocs from the duty free shop?” but i wasn reealy listenin cos i was thinkin abuot macbook PROS an how many episods of “NUNCHUCKS DIARIES 40” i cud put onto a iphone 5 if i had 1.

i was prety hungry tho an i heard abuot a new good plac that evry1 was think to lik calld duck wafer. its a reeal cool plac in the liverpool part of london an its in a reealy big hotel i thik. its reeal gud to get to cos yuo hav to go up a lift thas mad of glass an it make yuo feel like yuo are doin a crank 2 but in revers. wen yuo get up ther it gets even bettr cos thers actuly a cool bar ther an they made it look reeal nice cos they got a wal filld with aWESOME graf! it looks lik it from a SICK ed hardy t shirt or sumthin. thers also a lot of reeal cool cocktails lik the 1 tha i had wich cam in a big bottl filled with smok from a awesom motorbik an they give yuo a glass but it just a trick cos it better to drink it out of the bottle cos yuo look cooler even tho yuo cough ALOT from all the smok an stuff.

then yuo go into the restrant which i thik used to be a old dance studio (but thers not alot of space for dancing now. even tho it wouldv gon reeally wel with the graff wall). i sat down an said “can i hav a duck wafer pleas” an the fella said ok an they bruoght it over an it was quite nic cos it had a egg on it an a bit of a duck wich tasted lik wat if a chicken and a pig had a baby. they put it on a bit of cake an then yuo also get a nice sugar drink on the side to have as well. it was all ok but the sugar drink got stuk in my solepatch an now its stiky an smels real bad lik my fren Orleys groin patch.

then i wen to the lift again an did a coupl of brakedancing moves an thuoght that it wud prolly be a good plac to tak a girl on a date cos yuo cud say tha she shuldn be scard in the lift (make yuo look not scard) an then yuo cud tel her all abuot the graf on the walls (make yuo look cool) an yuo cud also eeach pay for sum of the drinks (so it wuldn be so expensiv to drink sum smokey brown glug from a reeal big bottl).

i give duck wafer 55/82

Duck & Waffle on Urbanspoon

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hod dog recip

giles coren eating

yum hodt dogs are reeal gud thins that evry1 liks now cos they tast nice lik a bit of a burnin bit of chees an sum scruncy meat bits. i lik them ones tha yuo get in a can but my mum says i can hav then cos when evr i mak them she com in an says “YUGNICH DID YUO COOK HOD DOGS AGEN?” an i say “no! leeave me alon im neearly finishd skyrim for abuot the thuosandths time!” then she says “then why is the kitchen coverd in blood an why is yuor hand got the lid of can in it an why is the microwav filld with smok an its on fire an stuff?!” an then i say i dunno, it was prolly a no gud nansy or sumthin!” then she tak me home from the hospital an i hav to sleep for a buoght fuor days befor i can walk proply an not fall ovr. hod dogs are big time yum. my frend grils cozen lik them too. i don a pictur.

heres my recip:

ingredes:

 

yuo gonna need 20 cruncy sweet cucumbers.

 

 

sum bred.

 

 

some suasage like this fella got. his one look lik a silly face lOLOL!!

 

muzztard. yum if its hot an spicy an gud for nosbleeds.

how to done it:

put it all in a blendr an push one. after abuot 10 or 15 minuts put it on stop. empty it into a bowl an them put it in the microwav for 10 or 15 seconds.

if that works then mayb yuo can eeat it. i dunno if yuo cud reealy tho cos i nevr mad a hodtdog before. how do yuo mak 1? can yuo email me at yugnich@hotmail.co.uk? thask.

i give this recip nothin out of a million. (LOL!)

 

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Meeat Market

when i was yung an I culdnt realy do that many push ups (i cud still done alot thoug) my favurit food was sand. Now i think burgrs ar my favurit food an my secund fav food is maybe a ice creeam or a egg. one of my bes burgers that I eat befor was from them meat fellas who done it at Meat Licker. I was real egxcited when i heear on Twitster that they was gonna open a new meat licker also in london so the first tim I got some free time me an my frend Grot Fishlip went to Co-vent garden. Ther actually isnt a garden ther, ther mostly just fellas pretendin to be status which sumtims i do wen my uncle is in the shower an I pretend to be 1 statu so tha he cant see me and then i say “BOO YUO UGLY OLD FELLA” an he falls over an tries not to cry.

the meat fellas new plac is calld the Meat balcony an its in the bes markt in london cos it sells los of cool things like lava lamps and cool t shirts and yuo can also get yuor name writin on a bit of bred. I went to Meat Balcony an I din even hav to que becus I think the meat fellas knew that i was Yugnich. Prolly becos I was wearin my cool lether jeans an wrap aroun sunglasses even tho it was rainin.

Then I fuond a seat whic was quite big an very uncomfortbl an I laughed cos I was prolly just to muscly for the chair. Me an Grot played pogs for abuot 1 hour (i won evry single game even tho he had a super pogatron an i was playin skyrim at the same time on blutooth with my P S VitA) but noone come to ask me wanted to eeat so i went to the counter wher ther was a pritty chik (thers only pretty chix that work ther which wud hav been gud but Grot was ther an he usully scares peopl cos he smell lik a fish cuboard). I said “IAM YUGNICH AN I WAN 1 BURGER AN SOME CHIPS AN SOM OTHER THINGS PLEASE!”. i had to get my own food but it was nice an the burger was full of juic an fell on the floor a lot an on my middle an fell apart into a bred meat mush that i had to eat with my fork.

i also had som lil sausage rolls an 1 chilli wich wasn very spicy (OBVIUSLY! cos i cud eat a gun an it wuldn even be spicy) an was mostly mad of old milk. Grot had a hot dog wich was like somthing Adram Frishman from Manveefood wud like. Wen he went to the toilet i ate it all an it was like a big mac but it had some smoky cardboard on it i think.

cos i knew he wud be mad i ran away bef4 he came back an bouoght 3 cool shirts with tie diE so i cul look like these guys:

then i put it on an listened to SKRILLLLEXXXXX YESSS!

i give meat balcony (them fellas says it called meat market (WTF!)) 13/24

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A CAR I INVENTD FOR THE RIBCAGE MAN

mr ribs from the eat street asked me nicly if i could make him a new car becos he said that too many h8trs were given him stik for makin the best tasty ribs in town. also he said his chik game was reely weak and that he wanted to get more chix. i tol him he shuld be getting the most chix becaus his ribs are the best ribs in the rib game, so i said. give them ribs DuMMy!

this is the car that i invent for him. i think it makes sense but if it dosnt, or if you want me to invent one for you email my inbox: yugnich@hotmail.co.uk

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